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DXers' Horoscope

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Now a BLANDX special feature. SASWA member Christina Van Helder, Director of the Presidential Office for Astrological Advice, has agreed to let us reprint the latest edition of her popular . . .

DXERS' HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS: (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You are the artistic type and have produced many fake QSLs for yourself. This is necessary as when DXing you often fall asleep. Most Aquarius DXers own DX-300s.

PISCES: (Feb 19 - Mar 20) In DXing you rely totally on luck since you lack even a smidgeon of DXing talent. Other DXers laugh at you a lot. Very few Pisces DXers have even the ability to log Australia.

ARIES: (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You construct very sloppy antennas. As a result they often fall down. You enjoy listening to Radio Tirana. There has never been an Aries DXer of any importance.

TAURUS: (Apr 20 - May 20) In purchasing receivers you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Because of this you never pay the postage to contribute to DX bulletins.

GEMINI: (May 21 - June 20) You do very little DXing or reception reporting. You are very lazy. When you do DX, you often mistune your receiver.

CANCER: (June 21 - July 22) Your inflated DX totals reflect your total lack of ethics. You often commit crimes so as to obtain rare QSLs.

LEO: (July 23 - Aug 22) Your reception reports are often very imcomplete. Yet you still obtain QSLs as stations think you are stupid and take pity on you. All Leo DXers are functionally illiterate.

VIRGO: (Aug 23 - Sep 22) You do most of your DXing on 90 meters during lunchtime. All Virgo DXers have large collections of QSL rejection letters.

LIBRA: (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You hold other DXers in contempt. Because of this you enjoy spreading rumors about other DXers. You are not very nice. Most Libra DXers are log editors.

SCORPIO: (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You make many large donations to religious broadcasters. This has not altered the fact that you are eternally damned. All Scorpio DXers are listloggers.

SAGITTARIUS: (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You submit many erroneous loggings to DX bulletins. This has caused you to be kicked out of many DX clubs. At DX conventions you are a subject of ridicule. Most Sagittarius DXers live under an assumed name.

CAPRICORN: (Dec 22 - Jan 19) You have great difficulty understanding the WRTH. Your insistence on reading it cover-to-cover each time you need information is stupid, not to mention time consuming. Most Capricorn DXers are cruel to their receivers.


NEXT MONTH: A reprinting of Jack Bradbury's famous article "The Spinning Antennas of Scandinavia"; Christina Van Helder and Dale Kalvo discuss using the WRTH to meet girls; Don Badger's "Introduction to Utility DXing" explains how to connect a radio to power, telephone, and gas lines for some interesting DX experiences; and HCJB engineer John McCoy tells us about "Life on the Antenna Farm."

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The above article appeared in a past edition of BLANDX, the DX bulletin parody magazine. More information about BLANDX is available from Don Moore.

What were once vices are now good DXing habits. (BLANDX 1990)

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This website is maintained by Don Moore,
Association of North American Radio Clubs
DXer of the Year for 1995
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