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EDITOR: Bill Dernoff


Greetings BLANDX readers! Welcome to this month's DXers' Quorum. As you can see, I'm still adding more notches to my resume as a Senior DXer!!

You've been hearing rumors about it for months. Could it be true? BLANDX sponsoring a star-studded major motion picture? YES!!! Bill Kyle put our entire club treasury behind the script co-written by Ray Framus and Jack Bradbury to line up some major Hollywood stars. Steven Spielberg himself directed it! The Naughty DXpedition will be released in mid- November, just in time for the big Christmas movie market. That way it will also be fresh in everyone's mind come time for Oscar nominations, too! The film was produced on location in southwestern Ohio, Washington D.C., southern Texas, and Bahia, Brazil. (Actually, there wasn't any shooting done in Bahia, but Spielberg demanded an expense paid vacation to Brazil.) I've been priviledged to get a sneak preview of BLANDX's upcoming blockbuster for a review for this column. Believe me, this is a film you'll want to take the whole family to see. Not only does does the movie deal with serious DX issues, it reflects basic moral values essential to your children's upbringing.

A Review of The Naughty DXpedition

By Bill Dernoff

The Naughty DXpedition starts as five members of a fictitious DX organization, the Cincinnati Union of DXers (CUDX) trek out to a primitive cabin in the woods for a DXpedition. When they get there, they discover that they all forgot to bring their receivers. With nothing to listen to, they spend Friday night drinking warm rootbeer and telling stories about Elly the DX Elephant and Andy the DX Armadillo. On Saturday night, they get adventurous and cut all the receiver pictures from the ads in some DX magazines and pin them up on the walls. Then they sit around the fire and each one shares some fantasies about what he would do if he had one of those receivers in front of him right then. It's all very intimate and surrealistic! This is male- bonding at its best!

On Sunday morning as they are packing up to go home, Herb Schuyler (Clint Eastwood) realizes that they have no logs to show for their weekend in the woods. So, Ray Lowder, CUDX's activities director, (an excellent acting job by Danny DeVito) gets out his copy of the Finnish International Shortwave Handbook, and they make a long list of logs that they think they would have made had they remembered their receivers. Everyone agrees that making this list of fake logs was the best activity that Ray ever arranged for. As agreed on by the group, the following day, Ray photocopies the logs and mails them to several DX editors. What none of them know is that a major solar flare completely blanked out all shortwave reception for the previous 48 hours.

Obviously, we know, the five errant DXers will eventually be caught and punished for their transgressions, but in the meantime several subplots intertwine with the main story. The following week, Herb, a professional artist, has an exhibition at the Columbus Institute of Fine Art. One of his works is a collage of QSL cards, including several from North Korea, Vietnam, and Cuba. However, Jesse Helms (played by Eddie Murphy) finds out about the display with its Communist content and how Herb's work was partially funded by a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.

Needless to say, a major political scandal ensues and a bill is introduced in congress to ban the use of QSL cards from Communist countries in NEA-financed works of art. The major DX clubs object, pointing out that the displaying of a Communist QSL card does not necessarily imply endorsement of Communism. Several DXers who work in government have their careers ruined in the process; their lives destroyed, they form a cooperative and move to rural Montana to raise organic sheep. Herb considers blowing Helms away with a .357 magnum, but then realizes that's a different movie.

In the meantime, Ray gets mixed up with a group of Texas DXers (headed by Dudley Moore) who smuggle illegal aliens across the Rio Grande, if they hand deliver rare Latin QSLs. Ray tries to get romantically involved with Yolanda, the former secretary of an Ecuadorian Catholic radio station (Bette Midler), but she continuously stands him up. Finally Yolanda agrees to go for a walk with him, but while they stroll hand-in-hand by a cigar store Ray makes a fool of himself by tripping over the wooden Indian (Sylvester Stallone at his best acting yet). Yolanda walks off in embarrassment and Ray knows it's time to head home to Ohio.

The movie finally swings back to the main plot. It's now a month after the DXpedition, and the fake loggings have appeared in several DX bulletins. Experienced DXers throughout North America immediately recognize the bogus loggings, and SASWA puts a price on the heads of 'The CUDX Five', as they become known. Huge wanted posters are printed and distributed throughout the Midwest. Two independent Toledo bounty hunters (played by Harrison Ford and Meryl Streep) seperately set out to hunt down the CUDX Five. Of course Ford and Streep soon run into each other and have some heated professional arguments. But those are put aside as they both become interested in DXing themselves and in just a few days they're spending their evenings DXing together. (I love the closeups of Meryl Streep switching bandwidth filters on the R-390A!)

After working together for several weeks, Ford and Streep finally locate the five felonious DXers walking out of an Armenian restaurant without paying the bill. After an exciting car chase through the VOA Bethany relay station (it's great watching those towers crash to the ground in a blaze of sparks!), the five are caught while trying to cash a bad check at a radio store near Columbus. (This and the restaurant scene are the director's subtle ways of pointing out that people who write fake loggings are inherently evil.)

The SASWA Editorial Junta (Bill Kyle is superbly played by Paul Newman and Kim Bassinger is a very sexy Christina Van Helder) convenes in a DX Judicial Tribunal and sentences 'The CUDX Five' to twenty years exile and hard labor on Baffin Island. As the five are handcuffed and led out, two big burly Cossack-types wheel in a giant cake, which they say is a gift from Radio Moscow. As the movie ends, Mikhail Gorbachev (played by Mikhail Gorbachev) pops out the top of the cake and announces that he'll do anything for some hard currency.

Wow! That's the kind of film that makes you proud to be a DXer!! See you next month. 73s, Bill


The above article appeared in the 1991 edition of BLANDX, the DX bulletin parody magazine. More information about BLANDX is available from Don Moore.

What were once vices are now good DXing habits. (BLANDX 1990)


This website is maintained by Don Moore,
Association of North American Radio Clubs
DXer of the Year for 1995

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