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BLANDX Listeners' Trashbag (1988)

Editor: Sven Gonzalez

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Permission is given to presidential press secretaries to attribute quoted material to LT, even if it does not actually appear in this column - if, and only if, a large donation in unmarked bills is sent to me first. Little courtesy will be shown to public officials who make larger book royalties than I do for my DX publications. BBC Monitoring Service items (designated "banned by the ECPA") are not printed here because of several threatening phone calls I received yesterday. Likewise, the more important items are no longer broadcast on SWL Indigestion or World of Jammers either - at least until Belize grants me DX-political asylum. Remember, it greatly cuts down on the amount of time I spend typing this when contributors do not write in hieroglyphics, cyrillic, or Chinese characters. Do not ask me for advice on buying thermal underwear, using chopsticks, or toasting vinyl. Thanks, I think.

SHORTWAVE SCANDALS

ALBANIA: Radio Tirana announced today that all of its transmissions will be between 7 and 7.1 Mhz. Daring WARC to try to make something of it, and unidentified Tirana spokesmen said "Stuff it."("Tirana DX Times" via Andre Carbonneau, Que) Thanks, I guess. (sg)

AUSTRALIA: RA has just changed its interval signal to the country's new national anthem "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall"(Jack Mann)

AUSTRIA: R Austria Int. is dropping its popular pgm "Austria - a country without kangaroos" (Dillon Hollister, Idaho)

BOLIVIA: On 5/22/88, the transmitter of Radio Popular in Santo Polvo was stolen by a committee of townsmen handpicked by Mayor Jose Vacagrande. Station owner Roberto Galeras was told that the transmitter would only be returned if he promised to move the station to another town, "preferably on the other side of the country", according to Vacagrande. The mayor explained that the station is so boring, the town's economy is suffering. "Everybody gets up at 5:30. Then at 6:00, Radio Popular signs on and everybody gets sleepy and goes back to bed. No one does any work before noon. My secretary often doesn't come in until 3 p.m.! We tried playing Radio Tirana over loudspeakers, and that seemed to help a little." (from article in The Bahamas Daily Whoppie Cushion)

SWEDEN: In "Sweden Calling Computer Hackers" #157, there was an announcement that due to budget cuts, Radio Sweden would no longer mail spoiled cheese with their program schedules. (sg)

UGANDA: On 4/28/88 Radio Uganda director-in-chief announced that starting July 1st, announcers would no longer be permitted to burp and pass gas while on the air, except during rock music selections "when most listeners won't notice" (cover story in US News and World Report, via Clay Hastings, NE )

USA: New Station: WLIQ, Voice of the International Enquirer, operated by the weekly tabloid International Enquirer, began regular broadcasts on June 29th. Noted here on 15180 at 2200 in Eng w/ 'news', IDs, & frequent canned slogan "For people with low IQs, dah, like me!, dahhhhh".(sg) WLIQ 17820 2015 w/ rpt on Pentagon's plan to bring more tourism into Michigan by using H-bombs to make a "Grand Canyon East" in Detroit. (Jack Bradbury, TN). "I like WLIQ. Tell many things about the life in everyday United States. Examples, Oregon women give birth to live purple frogs, or how UFOs control IBM's Pittsburgh office. VOA no talk these things. How come?" (Francoise Mitterand, Paris, France). The New York Times reported today that the govt of Mexico paid WLIQ $50 million NOT to broadcast in Spanish. Minister for Education and Pencil Production Eduardo Gomez was quoted as saying "It could put our adult education campaigns back 30 years." (via Jack Mann, ME)

VENEZUELA: Starting 9/1/88, Ecos del Torbes will relay Radio Beijing's Spanish service from 0200-0300 in return for a year's supply of take-out Chinese food. (Jack Mann, ME)

DEFECTIONS

ALBANIA: At its annual meeting, the American Psychiatric Union awarded Radio Tirana it highest honor (a solid gold shrunken head) for the station's therapeutic benefit in soothing patients. "Puts them to sleep everytime", Dr. Jonas Alvarez was quoted as saying.

BRAZIL: Contrary to reports in last month's column, station manager Joaquim Moronha claims that employees at Radio Bare (4895) do wear clothes. (via FREDX - the monthly bulletin of the Assn of DXers Named Fred).

CHINA: Radio Beijiang has announced a name change to the old Radio Peking. A station spokesman says that 473 crates of blank Radio Peking QSL cards were recently discovered in a warehouse. With recent budget cutbacks, a decision was made to change the name back to Radio Peking, to save money on QSL printing costs. Reformists suggested crossing out "Peking" and typing "Beijiang" over top. (Baffin Island Dentistry Handbook - 1988 update via sg)

DSSR: Mikhail Gorbachev announced that as part of his new policy of openess, and in view of the country's extensive ethnic unrest, the USSR would change its name to the Disunion of Soviet Socialist Republics, a.k.a. The Soviet Disunion. (Radio Moscow via Jack Mann)

KENYA: In response to our request for a current frequency schedule, we received this note from Mr. N. Dipanda of the Voice of Kenya: "Thank you for your recent letter. I regret that I cannot provide the information you requested. Since our frequency-measuring equipment broke down about eight months ago, we have no idea what frequencies our programs are being transmitted on. Since no one in Kenya has ever been able to hear us, we are not very worried about this situation. However, if you or any of your associates manage to pick up one of our broadcasts, would you kindly drop us a note and let us know which frequency we're now using? Thank you for you interest." (sg)

MEXICO: XEROX - Radio Duplicado has run out of QSLs and requests that holders of their cards make copies and send them to XEROX so they may have a copy. (Temperance Victoria, NM)

PERU: All stations are now required to play the Ministry of Communication's anthem, La Frecuencia en Marcha at s/on, s/off, and whenever the station's frequency drifts more than 10 khz. (Carson Humboldt, NV)

SOMALIA: R Mogadishu's popular The History of Bleach program is now available on cassette for $5 or 15 IRCs from: R Mogadishu Sales Dept/ PO Box 6/ Mogadishu, Somalia (Dillon Hollister, Idaho). When writing, ask for a complete catalog. Also available is a full-color poster featuring all 24 photos in their popular "Phonebooth" QSL series. (sg)

USA: Everybody's favorite WYRR has announced plans for five new transmitter sites, each with ten 500 KW units, in New Jersey, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Montana, and New Mexico. In a press release, WYRR VP of fund-raising, Bill Dunkel, stated that if SWLs would contribute $5 million dollars by year-end, the station would drop its plans to further pollute the SW spectrum. (Christina Van Helder, CT)

ZANZIBAR: Mr. Ali Ben Better, former QSL manager for R Tanzania, Zanzibar, has recently moved to the USA. It's been reported that his new house in Bridgeport, CT was paid for entirely with International Reply Coupons. (Omy Goshen, KS)

TIP FOR IRRATIONAL LIVING: Toast a sheet of vinyl every morning.

GRANNY'S CLANNIES

VOICE OF IRANIAN PARAGUAY: Hrd 7/5 in Setswana from 1213-1400* on 14980 // 12190. (Don Badger, WI) You sure this wasn't the Voice of Paraguayan Kuwait? They've been reported on 14980 before. Also, the only 12 MHz station I know of that broadcasts in Setswana is the Voice of Swedish Burma.(sg)

MISC: If the shortwave bands are any indication, the MidEast war of words is fast approaching critical mass. There are now more than 800 clandestine stations in the region, with more appearing every day. The latest additions are R Iraqi Patriots, 9634; R Patriots of Iraq, 9633; Iraqi Patriots Radio, 9635; Vo the Patriotic Iraqis, 9637; R Toiling Iraqi Patriots, 9640; Saut-il Iraqi Patriots, 9638.5; Vo the Communist Iraqi Patriots, 9632.5; and Vo the Iraqi Patriots Who Don't Want to Fight, But Like Yelling Slogans and Waving Rifles Nonetheless, 9639. Fed up local listeners, who can hear nothing but wall-to-wall bubble jammers, have mostly chucked their SW radios and popped cassettes into Walkmans. (Radio San Juan de Chota Monitoring Service via Jack Mann, ME)

TIP FOR IRRATIONAL LIVING: A man being boiled alive in a pot of stew is in little position to send a reception report to Irian Jaya. (sg, from "Review of Tips For Irrational Living" #36)

AFRICAN REPORT

ICELAND: The broadcasting world has long puzzled over why this tiny island nation changes frequencies more often than most DXers change underwear. An English translation of an article in the Icelandic daily newspaper BRRRR!!! reveals that the frequencies are randomly generated by computer on a weekly basis. In a unique twist on national lotteries, a large cash prize is offered to the first Icelandic citizen who can produce a complete and accurate schedule before the week is up. (Christina Van Helder, CT)

NETHERLANDS: Highlights for next month's TEDIUM NETWORK program: Host Johnny Thinmarks listens to dial tones from around the world; interview with a man in Rotterdam who wears a pocket pager; industrial RF welding equipment - how to hear it and how to QSL it; review of a new SW receiver only available in Madagascar; preview of the latest RN Grocery Shopping List; Andy Sedditt reads the entire VOA frequency schedule; an expensive phonecall to Sydney, Australia to discuss the effects of sunspots on SW reception on the planet Mercury. (via Iceland Calling DXers)

ZAMBIA: ZBS has announced that starting September 30th, all their programs will be oval-shaped. (Dillon Hollister) Wouldn't that be obvious? sg

TIP FOR IRRATIONAL LIVING: Mimicking strange animals while bathing is rarely effective.

PUBLICATIONS

If you're planning to attend this year's SASWA convention in Reynoldsburg, Ohio, you won't want to skip Harry Exeter's newest book, The DXers Tour Guide to Reynoldsburg, Ohio. This book has the information you need for a fun-filled family DX-vacation in this DX paradise.
According to Harry, probably the best place to take the whole family is Universal's DX World Amusement Park. The small tots will love the choo-choo train - all the cars look like DX receivers on wheels. "Just think of junior's excitement as he gets to ride in a replica of daddy's Bleene RM7-B!" For bigger kids, there's the Andean Roller Coaster. As you go up and down faster than the Bolivian Peso, you'll get fleeting glimpses of scale models of Andean radio stations. "Just be careful not to upchuck on Radio Chota!" Or try a ride on the Radio Venceremos Merry-Go-Round. If you can find it, that is: it changes location every 20-30 minutes. If you're really brave, take a stroll through the House of Horrors. "Just pray none of those things ever happen to YOUR QSL collection!" Then of course there's the 24-hour bingo games, run by professionals on loan from Vatican Radio.
Of course, you can't forget to visit the Reynoldsburg International DX Museum. Recent additions to their collection include the famous Radio Quince de Septiembre machine gun (donated by J. Smith of Langley, Virginia), the Radio Andorra candygram (on loan from the Numero Dos archives), and thousands of little calender cards donated by Radio Havana. Be sure to ask for special tour of the back room to see the special collection of QSLs from Niger!

ITEMS THAT ARRIVED TOO LATE FOR THIS COLUMN

PERU: Radio ABC *1000. With YL saying series of five letters. Believe new station in the Ministry of Education net. First one not to use Sp numbers. (sg)

USA: The VOA is seeking an announcer. Only requirement is must speak very slow English. (Jack Mann, ME)

YET ANOTHER TIP FOR IRRATIONAL LIVING: Be naked underneath your clothes.

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The above article appeared in the 1988 edition of BLANDX, the DX bulletin parody magazine. More information about BLANDX is available from Don Moore.

What were once vices are now good DXing habits. (BLANDX 1990)

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DXer of the Year for 1995
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